Late Extra
(A Fiesta 8/13)
Accuracy is Efficiency.
Watching old movies, the origins of various pop culture sayings or trends appear like ghosts. For instance, Famed Pedophile Jeffy Epsteemer wrote in one of his suicide notes the phrase ‘Bust out Cryin.’
Jeffy Epsteemer, big Little Rascals fan. Now you know.
Accuracy is Efficiency appears as the full page headline on a back wall in Late Extra. So strange to see the phrase out in the wilderness as if we ran into our math teacher at the Uncanny Valley Mall on spring break.
Today, the phrase Accuracy is Efficiency is the tag to a joke of failure. As in…
“The project turned out a mess. Over-budget, behind schedule & poorly assembled.”
“Well, Accuracy is efficiency.”
…More after this The Fiesta 13 Pointless Review….
In James Mason’s first role, he’s a young, charming reporter chasing the big story. The plot & tone bears more than a passing resemblance to The Front Page, a big US hit. Following a tip about a wanted murderer, Mason discovers a body in the bathroom of a source. Mason’s fiancee, also a reporter, runs into a woman who has info, but wants to remain anonymous. She asks to stay out of the big murder story. Can Mason’s dim girlfriend keep this secret? ‘Cause their gals, she says yes.
Here’s where the story lost us. Mason’s lackluster girlfriend basically lengthened the movie by a half hour. If she would have told Mason about the woman & her connection, movie would have been over in 20 minutes. Any reporter any where would NOT have agreed to keep a total stranger’s secret. Sheesh, we hate movies that create artificial obstacles to lengthen the run time. When Mason finds out about the secret, he calls off the wedding. Rightfully so. She helps solve the murderer & expose the news room rat. The final shot is a wedding & not a body. Happy ending. These are the two ending shots of 85% of 1930’s-40’s movies.
It’s interesting seeing such a young Mason who’s spent two movie lifetimes playing middle-aged charming, slightly pompous, flawed authority figures. Usually relegated to a secondary role, Mason’s inherent charm allows him to more effectively play more corrupted roles, shines on full display. He coulda been a leading man, I tell ya.
Possibly, the film’s too British for us. Alaistar Sims plays a very specific kind of British obnoxiousness—garrulous, insider jokes, loud wide ties: she’s a goer, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, knowwhatImean?
In The Front Page, the cacophony of newsy characters were each their own full, quirky characters. Each their own MVP. In Late Extra, there’s so much bluster without distinction as the newsies blur in function and character. banter of this type of film was mostly plot, not snappy character one-liners.
Still, we’re suckers for newsroom comedies & to some degree, Late Extra scratches that suck.
Accuracy is Efficiency.
This phrase was the full front page of a mock newspaper on a wall in Late Extra. In Blaine, NE #1302, 1937 was known the year of Accuracy is Efficiency. Even if little is known.
The Fiesta 13 conducted a non-exhaustive investigation into The Gamlin Twins & were unable to find any corroborating evidence in the box we found behind the warehouse. Our information is based on the words of a distant relative to the Gamlins who demands to be in The Business Witness Protection Program if this story goes to press. Good luck, buddy, we gave YOU false info.
In January 1936, The Gamlin Twins, semi-pro dart players & heirs to the Gamlin Dart fortune, traversed London with their vaudeville dart show, The Gamlin Gamblers. The show was a dazzling display of dartsmanship, mesmerism, telepathy and magic with a variety of local acts drawing in the rubes to see their family.
On stage, the twins alternated throwing darts at a vertical rotating 10 foot cork board circle with a silk overlay. On the overlay were 13 different choices. Each wraparound silk was different and created before each show. Using classic psychic techniques, the twin’s assistance would gather info on audience members, write the question’s answers on the silks. The Gamlin twins later surprised the audience member with a dart throw to the answer. As they threw the dart at the spinning wheel, the audience would chant Unconscious Accuracy, GO!. The show also played a game of blackjack using the wheel. The show wouldn’t end until The Gamlins won 1,000 dollars against the house. All of the blackjack choices were made with dart throws. Sometimes, shows went all night. Most of the dwindling audience only showed up for Gamlin’s Gals, their dog trick poker show.
In London, the twins saw Late Extra & their lives were changed, according to the unnamed, non-culpable distant Gamlin relative.
Using their dart board routine, they changed the show from vaudeville entertainment to Biz-tainment with the tagline Accuracy is Efficiency. The twins promised their audience every night every decision for their business Gamlin Darts Esq. would be made with dart throws that night. The Decision Dart, they called the routine. The decisions would range from dart color to factory firings and every decision in between.
The twins preached knowledge and insight is achieved through ‘Unconscious Accuracy.’ The theory being efficiency & accuracy & dart throwin’ were intertwined. The dart is unrealized desire, the spinning wheel is the luck of life. The throw is the active choice. Between the dart release & cork board hit lies the true path of unrealized desire.
When the dart would chose a dangerous path for Gamlin, a money-losing choice, the Gamlins used their grandfather’s wealth to buy out any losses. So, every night when the Gamlins showed the audience the day’s stock price, the stock would go up. In a few weeks, The Gamlin Gamblers were selling out shows.
When The Gamlins returned to the shaved belly of AMERIKA! in the third quarter of 1936, The Gamlin Gamblers released an executive home office version of The Decision Dart. The late 1930’s were the First Golden Age of Executive Decision Office Toys. The Auto Coin-Flipper. Do-It Dice, Squeeze the Hamster, TELL ME! TELL ME NOW!, The Magic Gelatin Ball and Weird-Eyed Wally. Among others. All the classic executive decision aids. Most of The Decider Line of executive aids were rereleased during The Second Golden Age of Executive Office Toys lasting from 1963 to 1985, starting with the retail opening of the first Spencer’s Grifts.
The Decision Dart was an immediate success. This success attracted the attention of The High Mystic Capitali$ts, CEO’s of the new Mystic Capitali$m Church & Franchising. The High Mystics bought out Gamlin’s The Decision Dart to create The Mystic Capitali$m Everything Answer Board. The Mystic Capitali$t High Mystics claimed there’s only 13 true answers to any question or solution to any problem. These 13 answers to every life question or problem were proprietary property. The business-church charged for each answer individually with the next answer cost doubled in price. Also, The Mystic Capitali$m Everything Answer Board lost its The Mystic Unconscious Accuracy Aura after thirty days, the board MUST be burned immediately. Or the customer will be doomed. The Mystic Capitali$m Everything Answer Board promised customers 13 throws, 13 TRUE solutions. This claim was ga-run-teed or burn the board.
The Highest Mystic, Old Man Blayne, The president of AMERIKA!, CEO and Highest Mystic of Mystic CapitaliSm, paid every AMERIKA!n 13,000 dollars in 1931. The Mystic Capitali$m Everything Answer Board cost 130 dollars.
If Old Man Blayne endorsed it, AMERIKA! bought it. Any copies of The Mystic Capitali$m Everything Answer Board were lost to history. In the late 1938, The High Mystics vigorously enforced their NDA’s, The No-Dice Agreement & most copies of The Mystic Capitali$m Everything Answer Board were burned. Self-appointed experts say, only the destruction by unintentional bombing of The National Archives in 1953 erased more world-changing knowledge & solutions than The No-Dice Agreement Enforcement Campaign. More loss than the burning of the Library of Alexandria.
Why did The High Mystics pull the plug on The Mystic Capitali$m Everything Answer Board & erase the history? They lost millions. The first three months after release, The MCEAB rained a typhoon money storm on The High Mystics. Ka-Double-Ching!
Then The Unconscious Accuracy Regurgitation Effect occurred. Customers slowly, unconsciously, began throwing darts to pick more obtuse answers and solutions. These answers had the ripple effect–through thousands of individual decisions by thousands of customers–of ruining the lives of The High Mystics while simultaneous enriching the customers. That’s unfair.
Were syphillus & other infirmities & loss visited upon The High Mystics just bad luck?
Or the machinations of The Unconscious Accuracy Regurgitation Effect?
We’ll never know.
What happened to The Gamlin Twins? Gary Gamlin died in August 1936 shortly after the merger. The Decision Dart commanded Gary to take three large steps forward, he tumbled into The Blaiynetown All-Star Chainstaw Orchestra pit & died.
Grey Gamlin gave up dart-throwing after he sawed his own arm off after a bad decision in 1943. No darts involved.
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Today’s The Fiesta 13’s Pointless Review was brought to you by…
DRONES!
Look Up.
There’s One.
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