Bosses of The Senate 2025 001

Next Week in Oligarchy:

Monday: Convert 401K’s to exciting new Crypto Coin: 72 Coin! 72 Coin is the only single bubble payout retirement option now available. All the Crypto you’ll ever need or get, only collectable on your 72nd birthday in one lump sum.

Tuesday: Spinning Wheel Tuesday! All food staple prices determined by a spinning wheel today. Maybe you’ll get an egg for three cents. Maybe not.

Wednesday: Bring your parent to work for you day.

Thursday: Judge shopping? Save 30% today on all state judiciary. See your regional oligarch to set up a front.

Friday: Tariff Friday. 20% tariff applied sporadically to a wide variety of ‘Surprise Merch.’

Saturday: Hobo Rhino Death-Race.

Sunday: Three-for-Two Day.

Today’s Next Week in Oligarchy tribute:

Capitali$m $uck$

—Make Bank, unusually—

Providing laughs for The LOLZOligarchy since 2008.

Not Using your finger nail? Need to lease your kidney for the day? Just want to humor your betters through debasement for cash?

Bored Oligarchs will pay YOU big money for small tasks on video for their many sadistic pleasures.

Only $25 for a clean, complete, cleaved toe nail until Saturday. Bring own pliers.

Surprise non-consensual sex with a stranger: 5-1,000 dollars.

Sit in a chair motionless for an hour: 3 dollars.

Flatter the lonely & wealthy: 10 dollars.

All short-term contracts pay in cash. Must do all services on camera. Capitali$m $uck$ owns all recordings and the results of any services.

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