Modernizing Our New Golden Gilded Age

Monday

Your Monday Money Motivation Poster:

The Oligarchs know that while they’ll die sometime in their late 200’s, they’ll still die. So, At 199, The worthy Oligarch’s consciousness is transferred to a new born or giant robot, then the worthy Oligarchattains immortality. For infinity.

However, we’ve heard rumors the planet will also die. Someday soon. Bummer.

Since life for most is fruitless and the planet is a wash, The Oligarchsurge you to grind that cash now, buy a hole to live in and live only for yourself. Sweet death is a glorious payday.

Good news, you’ll probably still outlive the planet, right?

As The Oligarchs say, What’cha gunna do?

Tuesday

New Reality This Week at The Reality Labs:

• Slavery never happened. 
• The American Civil War was about free movement of property.
• Jesus was a Capitalist.
• New Definitive Study: Poverty is your fault.
• Dogs like Chocolate. Buy Your Dog Chocolate.
• Asbestos has always been safe. Buy Asbestos.
• The Oligarchs defeated the Nazis, Communism.
• Artificial Intelligence has always done that job.
• The New High IQ, Low IQ Skin Color Chart.
• The word Genocide now means Opportunity.
• New gig-work for The Unconscious.
• Plus, thousands of more New Reality Realities that’s always been so.

The Reality Labs. Creating New History for Cash.

Wednesday

30 Million or Go Poor. Better start running Logan!

Three times a year, The Oligarchs celebrate The Running of The Poorsas the oligarchic edge is sharpened to the finest blade of the Uber-wealthy. Registered Oligarchs must prove a wealth of 30 million or more to maintain Oli status.

The Oli-Smarts with over 30 mil at registry, simply pay a one million dollar tribute to their hierarchically-better Oligarch & go about their privileged ways. The qualifying Oligarch may continue to live their life above The Poors in every way for another four months with all attendant oligarchic benefits.

If the checked wealth is just one cent under 30 million, the former Oliis run out of Oli-Town, along with thousands of other The Poors. 

Based on the Spanish family event, The Running of The Bulls, the Oli-Now-Gone has his remaining wealth gored out & becomes a ward of retail if he does indeed escape alive. Every The Poor is given a small knife for fairness. Only 1,000 The Poors can ‘win’ The Running of The Poors. All losers are shipped to Debtor’s Prison. 

As The Oligarchs say, What’cha gunna do?

Thursday

Are you a rocking-hot The Poors’ person? Consider being a sexbot. Oligarchs are dripping fluids to eat whole your entire sexual life-force. 

Using new, secret cash-for-snatch technology, Oligarchs would love to own and abuse your subtle clone or actual body. Night after night. And with a special haptics skinsuit, provided by The Master, not just your clone, but you can enjoy the hard, sadistic fucking from your betters. 

Get Laid, Get Paid, Go Away.

Sponsored by Lonnie’s Proto-Fuckable Foundation. 

Changing the world, one sperm load at a time.

Friday

Praise Prudence, The Committee Against Human Necessity have bravely applied tariffs to the following items to engender Nobel Savage Workercharacter. Suffering is what defines The Noble Savage Worker. 

The Oligarchs accept ‘You’re Welcome’ for their austerity generosity.

The following commodities are now 13 percent more to facilitate all tributes upward in a more timely manner:

• Bread
• Water
• Fire
• Mini MarshmallowsAs The Oligarchs say, What’cha gunna do?

Saturday

In the previous Golden Gilded Ages, the intellectual Oli’s would play life size versions of chess with human subjects as board pieces. 

Livin’ Large on The Manicured Lawn!

Today, The Oligarchs got their mind on your money and your money on their mind. No time for chess. It’s Payday time this Saturday!

Each Oligarch starts with A Noble Savage Worker & the worker’s entry fee of $325.00, paid by the NSW. The game is played on a square football field using the original 1974 rules. Each Noble Savage Workerdresses in game appropriate dress: Construction Worker, Garbageman, Village People, Stripper—Flooring & Clothes; among other ‘jobs’ we looked up. Loud noises, shoving and robot force move the players around the concrete game board.

The winning Oli, through their Noble Savage Worker, gives the $325.00 back to the savage and the worker is released into the marketplace. A winner for a day. All losing Noble Savage Workers are shipped to Debtor’s Prison for a year.

All Oligarchs celebrate a successful Payday game with booze, sex and drugs. 

Half-off slaves all day!

As The Oligarchs say, What’cha gunna do?

Sunday

The ruling Oligarchs are just like me, myself and I. 

Oli’s enjoy a good nickname, as long as they never hear their nickname ever. They will sue. They will legally kill. 

Having a hard time inventing clever nicknames like ‘lil & Sport for Oligarch Collegial Tribute? Use the naming scheme preferred by mafia’s worldwide to name your favorite Oli.

This system works for any name from politician to plutocrat.

Make the first name the children’s version of their name. Or Double the first name. Their last name is the first syllable of their last name. If their last name is also one syllable, peal letters backward until you hit a vowel.

To get y’all started, here’s the nicknames of some of your favorite tribute-able Oligarchs:

Donnie Tru $$$ Jay Jay D Vanc $$$ Jeffy Bez $$$ Marky Andreeeess $$$ Petey The $$$ Lonnie Sku (Although we prefer Lone Skum) $$$ Mitchy Mc-C $$$ Nan-Nan Pels $$$ Bobby Ken Jr $$$ Kris-Kris Noe $$$ Jimmy Jor $$$ Matty Gae $$$ Marky Zuck $$$ Vladdy Put $$$ Billy Gat $$$ Serge-Serg Brin-Brin $$$ Larry Els $$$ Benny Arns $$$ Kimmy Jo-Un $$$ War-War Buff $$$ Stevie Balls…And many other point-one percenters.

$$$